chore wars

Dear Honey

My younger brother is staying in my flat while he does work experience in London this summer. I understand now why my mum was so excited to get him out of her house for a few weeks: my flat’s gone from pristine (ish) to pigsty in a matter of days. He leaves trails of discarded clothes wherever he goes, abandons cereal bowls and half-drunk tea everywhere, spends the entire evening online, and worse of all, doesn’t always flush the loo. I’ve tried reminding politely, nagging, passive aggressive texts… nothing seems to get through to him.

How can I make him understand that if I have to pick up one more wet towel he’ll be camping at work? I feel if I can crack this now, I might be doing a future girlfriend a very big favour.



Sister of No Mercy

Dear Sister

It’s really simple. At least four mothers in the W1 area have taken this advice with instant and startling results.

While your idle bro’s at work, change your Wi-fi log-in password. It’s probably on the back of your router; make sure you take that little key thing for safe-keeping. Then leave a large note blu-tacked to the fridge reading:

In order to get today’s wifi password, please flush the loo, load the washing machine and replace milk.

Repeat as necessary. And if he somehow manages to subvert the log-in thing, delete his laptop/iPad/phone from the router’s recognised whatsits. Prolonged disconnection from his internet lifeline will soon bring Real Life into sharp focus.

Good luck! And remember, you’re doing this for the benefit of your future sister-in-law, whom I’m sure will thank you one day. As will your brother. No one wants to marry a forgetful loo-flusher.






About Honey

Freelance girlfriend and life coach Honey Blennerhesket has been called 'a cross between Mary Poppins and Emma Peel' and 'the one woman every man needs on speed dial'.

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